Carrying the message

What is the message? My experience. When I first came to AA I didn’t think I needed to stop drinking, and I thought AA was some Christian religious organization. I only stayed for two meetings. Two good things happened: I heard a lady give the main share, she was respectable, she spoke eloquently, but she told a story so horrific it sounded like something from the movies. She had obviously recovered. I also heard someone speak about being paranoid the morning after a binge. I related strongly to this – I too felt paranoid most mornings, and it was only now that I considered it might be the drink.

I then stayed away from AA for two years. My drinking got worse. Over my drinking history I burned the backs of my hands with cigarettes, attacked people I loved in black outs, drank beer with my breakfast, drove my family to tears, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, felt hopeless self-hatred, saw life as pointless, became afraid to leave my room, hid from those who cared most about me, built up debts, wasted opportunities, and was kept in an overnight cell for violence. Then I woke up one morning and couldn’t imagine life with or without alcohol. This brought me back to AA.

I came to one meeting a week, and still drank at weekends. Eventually someone managed to get me to coffee, and after the initial social terrors, I was amazed to find how comfortable I found talking to another alcoholic. This person got me to buy and read the Big Book and go to lots of meetings. He also said that my family didn’t need to spend thousands sending me to a treatment centre, since I could recover in AA.

By this time I could see my potential future clearly: drinking until the Doctor told me to stop to stay alive. And then being unable to follow the Doctor’s advice, and falling back into drink, and going on in that miserable way to the end. With the whole of that procession being misery and agony, and many of the horrors of alcoholism I hadn’t yet progressed to. I knew I had a fatal progressive illness. But I also had a tiny bit of faith, in AA, and in the Big Book. I soon met someone who seemed to be an example of what I’d been reading in the Big Book. He became my sponsor and I made an important decision: whatever this person suggested, I would do – without question. I knew my rebellious arrogant mind was my own worst enemy, and I was determined to defeat it, and not to join the procession of hopeless drunks through history.

Six months later I’d done the 12 steps and had a spiritual experience. How can I describe to a still-suffering alcoholic the feeling of having a lifelong obsession removed? The weight coming off my shoulders. The sense of having a place in the world, of a life worth living? This is the message I have to carry – 9 years of sobriety, with many times of great joy and happiness. A fulfilling sober life, never feeling the need for a drink, and all through the 12 Steps. If there was one big piece of experience I would emphasis to a still-suffering alcoholic it would be: picking my sponsor with the Big Book.

And how do I carry this message? (Well one way is as I am doing now, by writing for Share.) I first began doing it right from the beginning by going up to people newer than myself (i.e. newer than a few weeks!) and offer my hand and my phone number. I rang them on the telephone to see how they were. I started going on 12 Step calls with my sponsor, and I began sharing my message in meetings, in 5 minute chunks a few times a week. By participating in my home group I ensure da venue and time where the message can be carried, without fail, every week. I ensured the existence of a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts, which a power greater than myself could act through. Any group service: tea, cleaner, secretary, GSR, is a service that enables the carrying of the message, and so is really a part of carrying the message itself.

Other conduits for the message are the area helpline, and the PICPC officers, who carry the message through newspapers, radios and professionals. These are all co-ordinated through Intergroup committees. Therefore, after a couple of years experience, I went on to serve as an Intergroup PICPC officer. There is also literature which sits on the table at meetings, and carries the message so successfully to newcomers, the 12 step packs, the big books. They come through our “General Service” structure. The General Service Board in the UK and the USA ensure this literature exists and is published. These national and international bodies are as important in carrying the message as a 12 step call is. Also the structure in AA that links the groups and Intergroups to the General Service Board is providing a vital service that keeps the whole machine of literature production, telephone and so forth, running successfully. This link is the Regions and the Conference. So it was that I eventually rotated into Region PICPC, and I take an active part in the UK Conference. I send in questions, I send in answers to the questions that are eventually accepted to Conference. And recently I joined the national literature committee. I help to carry the message.

My experience of carrying the message is wide ranging, from the single newcomer, to the group, the region, and the nation. Each stage as vital as the last, each saving lives. But the main life that is saved in all of this is mine: by practicing Step 12 and doing service I stay sober, alive and fulfilled. This is why I carry the message.

AK, Plymouth Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, Nov 2007

From Suicide to Sobriety

Less than four months ago I was sitting in a darkened room alone, drinking and thinking how I could kill myself without leaving too much mess. Slit my wrists in the bath was the very best I could come up with. It would be something I could do where no-one else would be involved and the evidence of me could be rinsed away without too much difficulty. The problem was that I love my little mother dearly and knew that I would rip her heart to pieces if I did go through with it. So there I was, wanting to die but not being able to commit the act. I was in purgatory and could see no way out of this suffering where even the alcohol no longer gave me any relief.

I didn't used to be like that. I used to have many friends and enjoy my life and had lots of fun. I did feel different to other people though. On the outside I was loud, funny and I guaranteed a good night out. On the inside though I felt like an actress playing out the part of a person that I thought I should be. Yes I always drank more than most people but I am Scottish! I thought that was why I would have such a laugh and it was like that throughout my teenage years. Whenever I had blackouts I'd joke about them thinking they were funny, that they were normal as I'd experienced them very soon after starting drinking. Besides, they didn't happen every time I got drunk and nothing really bad happened.

I moved to California when I was 22 and within three weeks of being there I was arrested for being drunk in public. I couldn't believe it! "That would never happen back home. These Americans just don't know how to party!" I thought. So although I felt a little embarrassed it didn't faze me too much. I certainly didn't think I had a drink problem.

In my twenties blackouts were becoming much more frequent and the consequences of them quite shocking at times. I woke up in my bed at home one time wearing a wrist band from a hospital. Seemingly I'd been taken there and had had 5 stitches sewn into my face above my eye. I have no recollection of the trip to hospital or the journey back home to this day. That scared me enough to not drink for a year but during this time my sober life was miserable and felt empty. I heavily substituted the alcohol with marijuana instead which got me through that time. After all that time without a drink I knew that OBVIOUSLY I hadn't had a problem with alcohol! So I started drinking again. Quickly and more ferociously than before, things got worse and worse. So after a couple more arrests I came back home where it was all going to be different. It wasn't. I stopped going out for fear of what would happen and so I drank alone in my flat more and then on a daily basis. I lost friends as I disappeared from their lives into my own dark and isolated world. I felt so much shame and guilt for things I'd said or done when drunk that I didn't feel I could face anyone. If people came to my flat I would hide away. I wouldn't answer the door or the phone. I wanted to be left alone yet I was desperately lonely. I wanted to not drink but I couldn't stop myself no matter how much I tried. I always took that first drink and I always got drunk. I tried AA a couple of times before but it didn't work for me, I didn't "get it" and would drink again.

When I walked into my now homegroup, almost 4 months ago, I was a broken and desperate shell of a human being. I had no hope AA would be able to help someone like me but I had no better ideas and this was the very last thing I could think to try. I identified, as before with people who shared their story but his time I heard the message loud and clear. I was beaten enough to listen. "Get a sponsor, get a big book, do the steps." I got a temporary sponsor that night.

From starting the steps my life had already brightened up and the obsession with alcohol went within a week. After doing Step 5 I felt unburdened and like I could hold my head up high again. The guilt I'd felt was replaced by forgiveness towards myself. That took away my self-hatred. The resentments I'd held towards other people could now be seen for what they really were. It was me making me feel the way I felt, no-one else. It all seems so simple now, so obvious.

I thank God for the pain and suffering I felt before because that is what brought me to my knees and to AA. I drank for 24 years and couldnít imagine life with or without alcohol but today I wake up and can't believe my luck that I feel the way I do, happy and content. My friends are coming back into my life and I'm no longer scared of what is coming up or what has been before, and it's all thanks to the guidance of this amazing group of people and working the AA programme.

Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, Plymouth

Medication

The following comments were made by a GP after reading the article below called "Medication"

I recently came across an article written by one of our local AA recovery group sponsors about medications and sobriety. I read with great interest, and all throughout the article I realised how little we doctors know about the depth of work involved in the services that such groups provide to our alcoholic patients. 

This article reflects the extent of care and discipline that some sponsors exercise to achieve sobriety for their group attendees. I wish there was more publicity and awareness about their activities to all General Practitioners. I think it would be worthwhile to have a copy of this article in each GP surgery, to enable doctors to work in tandem with AA sponsors, to help their alcoholic patients. 

I went through witnessing the great job done by one of these sponsors to my own family.  My nephew, who is attending one of our local AA groups, has been sober now for almost seven years. I recall the pain and suffering that the whole family went through in trying to help him, while all attempts by myself and all other family members failed, prior to his attendance at AA.

I recommend the reading of this article to all my GP colleagues.  

                                          

Dr. K.  Torabi,  MD, Retired General Practitioner, Plymouth 

Medication

It sometimes seems that more and more people are arriving at the doors of AA whilst on prescribed medication. The easy solution to this would be to say that it’s got nothing to do with us. Unfortunately burying our heads in the sand condemns many alcoholics who could have been helped. Certain people with problems other than alcoholism will require medication for the rest of their lives, but generally speaking professionals only prescribe medication with the short-term in mind. Most would rather see people free of medication if at all possible. So if a newcomer asks us to sponsor them and they are on medication how do we deal with it? The first thing to make very clear to them is that we are not professionals and everything that we suggest should be referred back to their GP. Another point that should be made clear is that unless they are honest and take the program of Alcoholics Anonymous seriously, stopping their medication might not be their best option. 

A Newcomer who wants to come off their medication...

The first thing that we do is suggest that the newcomer makes an appointment to see their GP. The newcomer should then tell their Doctor that they would like to try and live free of all medication, but strictly under the Doctor’s care and direction. If the Doctor is not happy with this then the newcomer should enquire by how much, if any, they can reduce their dose, and over what time period. They should make the GP aware that they intend to do the program of Alcoholics Anonymous with the help of a sponsor and regular meetings. If the Doctor insists that the newcomer has to stay on medication we do not argue, the newcomer should be advised to accept this and perhaps try again a few months time.

Sponsoring somebody who comes off medication without the GP’s consent...

We simply don't do it!

A newcomer who is reducing their medication with their GP’s permission...

If the GP has approved of this then the newcomer should have an idea of how long that it will take before they are free of medication. If it is going to be relatively quickly they might want to wait before taking the third step, whilst continuing to take other constructive actions. If on the other hand it is going to take several months they can do one of two things - either wait whilst continuing to do the daily suggestions, or start taking the Steps and change their sobriety date when they are free of all drugs. This second approach is not ideal, but if somebody is going to be on medication for a long time, they might think that the quality of their life will be improved by taking the Steps sooner.

When a GP allows a newcomer to come off one type but not all of their medication...

Often the GP will allow the newcomer to taper off mind altering anti-depressants but will insist that they stay on what is referred to as “mood stabilisers”. When this is the case it is up to each individual sponsor to decide if they have the relevant experience to continue the sponsorship. They should not feel bad about suggesting the newcomer finds a different sponsor with more similar experience. If they decide to continue then the newcomer should be taken through the Steps as soon as possible. Because the Doctor has insisted on the need for prescribed medication there is no need to change their sobriety date. If the GP at some point in the future decides that it is okay for them to come off the medication, then it is for the conscience of the newcomer to decide on their sobriety date.

Sponsoring somebody for a long time who might benefit from medication...

When we have sponsored somebody for a considerable time and they have taken the Steps it can seem unthinkable that these same people might one day need medication. We are used to seeing people lead good and productive lives and are naturally reluctant to believe that they should try medication. But it is silly to think that just because we are in AA that we will never fall victim to problems other than alcoholism. On occasion good AAs who wholeheartedly take the actions find that they need to either go back on medication or try medication for the first time. This should only be considered after an honest discussion with the persons GP. If the sponsor knows the member well enough then, even having no similar experience themselves, they might find that continuing to sponsor them is not a problem and a change of sobriety date is not required this should be left to the conscience of the individual concerned. 

Somebody asks you to sponsor them but they want to stay on medication regardless of what the GP says...

The simplest way to answer this is to say that you don't have experience of living sober whilst taking medication, so don't feel able to sponsor them. But that you will assist them in finding somebody who does have more similar experience.

Click this link to read "The AA Member - Medications and other drugs" published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.