Willing to do Service

There was good reason why I found it utterly impossible to hold down a permanent job for long, and also good reason why I applied for jobs I had absolutely no training in, and made little attempt to learn about once I was there. There was also very good reason why my personal relationships were absolutely in tatters, seemed utterly pointless and brought me very little joy, looking back there was one very permanent feature of my life that ruined everything I ever touched: almost every situation brought out the “what can I take?” aspects of my personality, I could never sustain the “what can I give?” point of view.

The basic premise of AA is that the “what can I give?” attitude is the only way for an alcoholic to live happily. We can be assured of safety in any social, business or personal endeavour as long as we are guided by this principle (page 101-102 Basic Text). This paradigm shift from taking to giving leads to great fulfilment for all of us:

“These men had found something brand new in life.
Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others.” (AA page 159)

I was told how to give of myself from the beginning, it was explained what I could do. My sponsor explained that I should shake hands with people at meetings, introduce myself, stop being a wallflower; try and make a little small-talk.

Then I was given a service position to do, I became the cleaner for my home group. I made sure there were no cigarette ends out side the venue after the meeting, this kept us on good terms with the hall owners.

After doing the tea and then carrying literature, I became the secretary, it happened in due course, not especially quickly or slowly, just as part of the normal progress from one position to another.

Now and then I felt horribly self-conscious up there in front of everyone. The old disease would re-surface. What could I do? Alone in the spotlight! The position we all crave and yet most often feel horribly uncomfortable with once we are there….when I felt like this I would quickly remember why I was there, not for my ego, not to impress or dazzle or gain acclaim for myself, but to serve other people, to run the meeting as smoothly as possible, I would suddenly think of something I should be doing; counting heads, keeping an eye on the drunk guy at the back, or rehearsing interventions in case they were needed. I would begin to relax again, concentrating on what I should be doing for the meeting, looking outwards at what I can do for others instead of thinking about myself.

In it’s most general sense service is anything that helps carry the message of recovery to the still suffering alcoholic. So service can be a phone call, meeting for coffee, making sure a newcomer has a lift to a meeting and so on. Returning my focus towards service is always the solution to feelings of discomfort, because I am trying to think of other people’s needs instead of my own. Ultimately whenever I become unhappy it’s almost always because I’ve been thinking about myself too much: “Selfishness--self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles” as page 62 puts it. The answer: to think of someone else and try to help them instead.


So that’s it then, the answer is to go forth and be a better, more useful and considerate person, well then why the need for AA? Surely I can do all that anyway?

The truth of my life is that I often knew very well that I was a low kind of individual. I often felt very remorseful at my behaviour and sometimes felt very strongly that I was going to try and be a better person. Now and then I even followed through and temporarily became a better person…..but I never stayed that way. I always reverted back to type.

In all my drinking career I almost always had the will to be a better person, but not the power. I never had the ability to change, my human resources failed utterly. It has only been through working the twelve steps that I have been able to change and stay changed, to keep trying and to gradually accumulate some real permanent change, to have become a more giving and useful person.

Also I’ve been able to meet each new failure to be a better person with a new resolve to try again and try harder at times as well. I haven’t thrown my hands up and given up. The reality of a higher power in my life is evidenced by this continuous change.

With a sponsor and the twelve steps I have forged a lasting relationship with a loving God who helps me change a little more each day.

In order to grow in recovery I must be willing to serve, unconditionally, and whenever I can. But in order to serve I must have a higher power to change my selfish nature and keep it changed.

Plymouth Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous

A Short Walk through the 12 Concepts of Alcoholics Anonymous

In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, Bill W wrote about ‘Mr. Grassroots’ – your ‘average Joe’ member of AA. The structure of AA in Great Britain is built on the thousands of Grassroots who carry the AA message in groups from John ‘O’ Groats to Lands End. This structure is not built on what Conference Delegates or Board Trustees do at Conference and it’s not built on those people doing sterling work at the General Service Office (GSO) and on the Share magazine. The work people do in these areas is vitally important, but where do they come from? Concepts 1 and 2 tell us that they come from the Grassroots. We are not ‘us’ and they are not ‘them’. We are one.

Our service structure in the UK reflects what Bill W realised early on; that the ultimate authority and responsibility for AA’s services must reside in the AA groups. Bill knew that after he and Dr. Bob had passed away there would be no effective link between the grassroots members and the Board of Trustees, which had been co-ordinating AA’s early efforts to produce a uniform literature, maintain an effective public relations policy, and manage finances and public information. This board of trustees was little known to the AA members at large, so what if the trustee’s operation were to break down? To whom would they be accountable? Concepts 1 and 2 describe how the groups’ ultimate responsibility and authority is delegated to the General Service Conference, which in Great Britain meets once a year in York. The Conference is effectively the conscience of AA as a whole and it is this body of elected delegates that holds the trustees to account on our behalf.

The process of delegating our responsibility to Conference begins when a group elects a Group Service Representative (GSR). It is the GSR to whom group members delegate their authority and responsibility so that the GSR can vote at Intergroup on their behalf. The GSRs at Intergroup vote for Intergroup Region Representatives, to whom responsibility and authority is delegated so that they can vote at meetings of Region on our behalf (there are 15 Regions in the UK). The Region Representatives participate in electing a region’s delegates to attend the General Service Conference. These delegates are entrusted with delegated authority and responsibility to vote for the interests of AA as a whole.

It is clear that we need to trust each of these servants in the chain that runs from groups to the General Service Conference and the Trustees. If a group really trusts its GSR, it will allow the GSR the right to vote as he or she sees fit at meetings of Intergroup. For example a GSR might know that the group wants them to vote for Mr. X as an Intergroup Region Representative. However, at the Intergroup meeting it might become apparent to the GSR that Mrs. Y would be a more appropriate choice. In this case the GSR will have to explain to the group why he voted for Mrs. Y. The group quite rightly will need to decide whether the GSR has done the right thing, but it should remember that a trusted servant should necessarily be granted this ‘right of decision’ and that the conscience of Intergroup will invariably be superior to that of a group, because Intergroup will have more experience and information to hand. This right of decision is the essence of Concept 3 and it is the mechanism by which each trusted servant participates in the AA structure, from GSR to Conference Delegate and General Service Board Trustee. As tradition 2 says, our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.

Tradition 3 says that I am a member of AA as soon as I say so. Concept 4 allows me a voting participation in AA the minute I become a member of a home group. When it comes to doing service in AA Bill saw, through experience of AA’s early service structure, that those elected to do service as PI, probation, health, prison and employment liaison officers would only work effectively and enthusiastically if they had a right to vote in proportion to the responsibility their jobs entailed. Today this means that these officers have a right to vote at service meetings such as Intergroup and Region. It means also that all members have a right of participation in the service structure in this country. Bill guarded this principle because he felt that we all have a spiritual need to belong and that there should be no second class AA citizens. It is by truly being able to participate, i.e. having a vote, that those doing service for us are truly trusted servants.

Having a right of decision and a right of participation means that my conscience will sometimes put me in the minority on certain issues that are being considered at meetings of my group, Intergroup, Region or at Conference and at Board level. Concept 5 recognises that minority views and the minority position should be protected as part of our safeguard against occasionally hasty or angry majorities. In AA this means that we should continue to debate important issues until a really substantial majority is in favour. This usually means establishing a 2/3 majority, as in the case of electing delegates to Conference. When a potential delegate receives a 2/3 majority vote they know they have real backing and are not just the winners of a contest. In the case of elections, and voting on other important issues, establishing a substantial majority means there can be no disgruntled minority left in its wake, because the minority knows that the matter has been thoroughly debated. Unity is therefore strengthened. This respect for the minority view is part of the checks and balances built into the service structure that helps to prevent a misuse of delegated authority.

AA services include important activities carried out on a national level such as public information, probation, employment liaison, prisons, health and the publication of existing and new literature as well as overseeing the constantly active General Service Office (GSO) and Share and Roundabout teams. It is much easier and more efficient for a dedicated team of people to run these affairs. This smaller group is the General Service Board (GSB) of AA based in York. Via the elected Conference we Grassroots delegate authority to the GSB to run these enterprises, which they do using the principles of right of decision, participation and deference to the minority opinion already discussed. In fact we hold the GSB mainly responsible for overseeing the day-to day operation of these activities and we hold the GSB to account for all the actions the Conference requires it to take on our behalf. This is mainly what Concept 6 is a about.

Not only do we grant the Trustees of the GSB this authority, they are also governed by a charter that gives the Board the legal right to manage the General Service Office any way it likes, including the legal right to use our money (The Board manages over £???? of the Fellowship’s money every year). Concept 7 explains why and how these undoubted rights need to be balanced by the power of the elected Conference, which should always have the ultimate authority because it is the effective voice and conscience of AA as a whole. What it boils down to, is that the GSB has the legal right to veto every decision that the Conference makes, even if a 2/3 majority of Conference delegates vote to have the Board carry out some specific task. However, in practice this legal right will almost never be exercised. As well as the traditional power of the General Service Conference Charter, which, unlike the Board’s charter, is not a legal document the Conference has the power also to withhold the AA Groups’ financial contributions from the GSB. In circumstances where the will of the Board departs seriously from the will of the Conference, the withholding of funds would eventually bring the Board into line. This principle, like all the principles of the 12 Concepts, can be applied throughout our service structure. For example, if your group believes that Intergroup is acting inappropriately, the group could decide to stop sending Intergroup its tradition 7 contributions.

Concept 8 describes the GSB’s relationship with GSO. While the Board oversees the work of GSO, it should not get involved in the day to day business of the Office, which is duly granted the freedom to operate without constant recourse to, or interference from the Trustees. It is GSO that implements the actions resulting from Conference recommendations and Board initiatives, such as mounting a new advertising campaign. The Trustees take care of overall matters of policy, finance and public relations, but it is the constantly active service office that is given the authority and responsibility to get things done. This makes for a more efficient operation. In the UK the job of General Secretary at GSO is the lynch pin of the Office and the direct contact Trustees have with what goes on. The Board has effective oversight of the GSO through its ability to hire the General Secretary.

Bill considered the idea of leadership in AA to be so important he devoted Concept 9 to this ‘ever vital need’. The preceding concepts describe a structure of service in AA and associated principles, such as the ‘rights’ of decision, participation and minority opinion, that help us to operate effectively and carry the message at all levels to the alcoholic who still suffers. However, the best structure isn’t much use if there are no capable and willing leaders to fill the service positions. This concept reminds us that we are to put aside our differences and vote people into service that are the best people for the particular job, whether it be that of GSR, Intergroup liaison officer or rep, Region Chair, Conference delegate or Board Trustee. Nothing less will do for the potential new man or woman. This concept includes a discussion on leadership put forward by Bill, who identifies some of the qualities a leader should have, such as vision – the ability to see what course of action will be best for AA in the long term. For example, your group may be considering whether to become a multi-meeting group and some vision will be required to estimate the future demand for another meeting night. While this concept tends to focus on the Trustees as World/national Service Leaders, it applies to anyone active in AA service including sponsors, who, like all leaders in AA, lead by example. This means that there are leaders in AA - most groups have leaders that we willingly follow.

Concept 10 reiterates that responsibility should be matched by a corresponding authority. Let’s say I am elected as a share finder for my Group. The Group gives me responsibility for maintaining a steady flow of sharers to speak at group meetings. Along with that responsibility I need authority from the group to choose the sharers and this authority should not be undermined by interference from group members that might be trying to influence my decisions, or just “making sure” that I am doing the job properly. This is where the “right of decision” (concept 3) and “trusted servant” principles are so important. Similarly, the Groups delegate some of their ultimate authority to delegates, who vote at Conference according to the dictates of their own conscience. If this delegated authority is misused then the groups can exercise their ultimate authority by electing new delegates. Leaders in service, such as Conference delegates will have to decide which matters they should deal with on their own conscience in this way, and which matters they should refer back to the Groups for consideration. The same principle can be exercised by Intergroups and Regional assemblies.

Concept 11 is concerned with ensuring that the people who do the main body of the work at GSO are well qualified and that the systems for obtaining these workers and relating them with each other are effective. Although the structure described in this essay is based on the US model, the principles in it hold for the GB structure, too. For example the Trustees are ably assisted by standing committees that include non-trustee volunteers. Such volunteers need to be suitably qualified and committed, as on the Literature Committee, which deals with the important task of producing new literature for the Fellowship. In our country the main ‘executive’ position at GSO is held by the General Secretary, who has to put in a great deal of work running the Office and advising Trustees. The Board hires the General Secretary then lets them get on with the work. This concept also describes the important difference between service workers at GSO carrying out established plans and policies and actually making new plans and policies. The qualities required of an executive (in our case the General Secretary) are also highlighted (this issue relates back to Concept 9, on leadership). Another principle is that we should well recompense paid staff at GSO: as Bill says, ‘cheap labour is apt to feel insecure and be inefficient’. This concept looks also at the differences between AA services and the outside commercial world, for example what to do about rotation among paid staff workers and how such workers should be able to participate in the service structure. Rotation among service workers is also a means by which we prevent one person from accumulating too much power, which invariably leads to its misuse.

Concept 12 is essentially article 12 of the Conference Charter and is considered so important to the spirit of AA service that it can only be changed by the agreement of a significant majority of the AA groups world wide. The six ‘warranties’ it contains exemplify spiritual qualities such as prudence in spending of AA money and prudence and humility in our relations with each other and the outside world that serve to align our actions with the 12 Traditions and keep us united as a Fellowship. The warranties spell out the great freedom and liberties of AA members while at the same time enjoining us all to conform to the Traditions.

Finally, while much of the 12 Concepts refer specifically to the General Service Conference and the General Service Board, these valuable principles are applicable at any level of service.

Plymouth Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous

Service: Constant Thought of Others

Service.  It's not one of those words which I used to use on a regular basis, or understand.  For me, service was something that I did on an infrequent basis to my motorbike.   Service means more to me everyday now; I have learnt the other meaning of the word in Alcoholics Anonymous.  My service career started when I walked through the doors of my first meeting.  Right from the start I was encouraged to take an active, grass roots part in my home group.  I started ‘to serve’ for Alcoholics Anonymous and put myself second for a change.  It has taken me sometime to understand the concept of selfless commitment to a group.  The practice of putting others' needs and wants before mine was a totally alien and seemingly ridiculous idea before I reached AA.   In service, I am encouraged to think of others by positive action and not thought or word alone.  This positive action can be anything from cleaning in my home group to serving on Intergroup or Region committees.

The change from selfish to selfless has not been obvious or definite.    I am not claiming that I am a deeply spiritual man who is committed to acts of love and kindness, that would just be downright dishonest.  I know what I am committed to though; I am committed to staying sober and happy, for sure.  If I give myself to this simple program, then I become less selfish and self-seeking through service, as the very essence of serving is to discount my own wants, desires and needs.  Then, as if my magic, my own wants, desires and needs are taken care of.  That is the genuine paradox of Alcoholics Anonymous, the more I think of others, the more my own life improves.   So, I have gradually realized through sometimes painful experience, that whatever the state of play is in my little life, service is the way forward.

One of the other many benefits of service is the confidence and sense of belonging that it instills in the alcoholic.  When I was drinking, in a matter of seconds,  I could swing from arrogant self-based confidence to total suicidal despair.   I either felt elated or crushed.  I also suffered from a sense of displacement and a lack of belonging in any given situation.  What a cocktail for living! It was no wonder I turned to alcohol as a solution to these problems.   The service structure of Alcoholic Anonymous has enabled me to become a useful member of society, rather than a loser and a waster. 

As I said before, I am lucky to be in a home group which suggests that we all partake in some form of service.  I came into AA without any confidence, substance or moral fibre.  All the service positions I have taken on have encouraged me to work with others and become useful within a team of people.  I was never a ‘team player’ before, it was always me against the world.  It would not be an understatement to say that my AA service has been the making of me.

For me the Traditions and service are the strong glue which holds our fellowship together.  As I stated before, I am privileged to be in a group which takes it service very seriously.   If the men and women who have all served as shining examples to me had decided that they couldn’t be bothered with service, there is a strong possibility that my AA group would not be as attractive and active as it is today.  With good leadership and role models, I have made the direct link between how I am feeling and what I am doing.  If I carry on doing the right and honest thing within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I know that every aspect of my life will carry on getting better.

Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth Alcoholics Anonymous

Here I am at my desk, clean and tidy in a freshly tidied flat. These days it takes a couple of weeks to degenerate into a chaotic mess, instead of 48 hours, like before AA.

I was brought to my AA home group by a stranger in the fellowship who could tell I needed to hear a clear unified message. I was doing the rounds of various meetings back then and I couldn’t tell what AA was supposed to be about, people talked about all sorts of unrelated stuff.

It was a warm sunny August and I had just got sober again, shaky and very nervous I was extremely glad to get a lift there with this considerate stranger. A group reunion was in full swing, but I didn’t know this and I thought I had stumbled into some kind of underground revolutionary movement by mistake because it seemed like such a huge meeting. Over100 People from all over England and Ireland wandered about with cups of tea, saying ‘hi’ and chatting.

The sharers spoke about ‘doing service’ with a knowing glint in their eyes, I imagined they must mean some kind of military induction, the way the meeting was so well organised – these guys had obviously undergone rigorous training!

As the alcoholic fog lifted with a couple more meetings and a sponsor for me, I realised that service was those great jobs of leadership like Secretary and GSR, that I had learnt so much about when I was eating out of dustbins, and was so well suited for - lucky for these guys were that I had come along to help.

Soon enough I was able to exercise my great leadership skills as the cleaner for my group, because thankfully, in AA no one was going to put any responsibilities onto my shoulders that I wasn’t able to handle. I have seen quite a few other groups put newcomers up as GSR and inevitably the newcomers end up getting overwhelmed, they often get the idea that they are bad at service, and drop out of AA in discouragement.

Fortunately I started out as a cleaner and  once I had gone through some of the other service positions, like tea maker, ‘scroll man’ and secretary, when I had a better idea what AA and service was all about.

In fact my sponsor introduced me to service from day one, because he told me to get there early, help set up, to shake everyone’s hand and say hello, and to help put the chairs away afterwards. Like it says in AA Comes of Age “An AA Service is anything whatever that legitimately helps us to reach fellow sufferers.” (P.140) He gave me other service based suggestions too: to phone 2 newcomers a day and meet people in the fellowship for coffee when I could.

Embarrassed, sweaty and nervous I did it all. Within 2 weeks people newer than me appeared and immediately I was doing my bit to welcome them to my home group and this amazing new life I had been shown – a life that was bearable without alcohol. I met them for coffee and phoned them daily and I still do all this stuff today as well, I didn’t realise it back then but this is all service, thinking of others and carrying the message to the still suffering alcoholic, it takes me out of my self obsession and frees me from the ‘bondage of self’.

Whenever I take the time to do some service, whether it’s meeting a newcomer or writing this article, I always feel calmer, happier and more content and stable afterwards.

Service has given me a great opportunity to practice being an adult. Being adult often means doing things you don’t want to do because you know you need to or should do or you have to - oddly enough I have found that doing service I didn’t want to in AA has finally made me happy, when I lifetime of doing what I wanted made me miserable.

So when it felt like a pain to get to the meeting on time with the scrolls, in the winter when I had to walk and I was tired and missing the T.V. it didn’t stop me from doing it, it just made me pray harder… and through concentrating on delivering my service and not my feelings I have finally begun to grow up and feel like an adult. Maybe I feel just like that considerate stranger who saved my life with a simple act of service over six years ago. He extended the hand of friendship, and made a personal effort to ensure that I got a strong message of recovery, he went that little bit further to carry the message and I always try to do the same.

One last thing I would like to mention about service is that it exemplifies the fact that we get well by taking actions. I haven’t been able to think my self better and I didn’t talk myself better either. I do talk with my sponsor, but the important thing is I do as he says. Like the Service Manual says, (P.6)

“A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action.”

Road to Recover Group Plymouth, Alcoholics Anonymous

Tradition 5

Tradition Five                             

Before I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I did nothing but argue and thought of nobody but myself, and then by the grace of God I ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous via a treatment centre. While I was in treatment I was taught to talk about my feelings, and becoming self–centred seemed to be actively encouraged. (This may of course be my perception as a self-centred, selfish alcoholic). I used to attend meetings and even though they read Tradition 5 out at a lot of them, I still did not get the concept.

I thought a meeting was a place I went to talk about how bad I felt. After being in Alcoholics Anonymous feeling miserable and suicidal and craving a drink for a long time, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a group that was taking Tradition Five very seriously. In fact it was at the centre of everything they did to make the meeting as it should be.

Our fifth Tradition states that our primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I have learned in my time in Alcoholics Anonymous, that I have never felt better for talking about how bad I feel. I always feel better for trying to think of what I can give in a meeting rather than take. I always feel better if whatever service I am doing, it is to the best of my ability with the newcomer uppermost in mind.

The two things that save my life when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous were people sharing their experience, strength and hope, and the identification. It was very important that I identified with what the people said to me. The identification gave me just enough blind faith to think maybe, just maybe I am like these people, and maybe, just maybe the A.A. thing can work for me. If people had been talking about gambling or drug addiction it would not have had the same effect. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers not the drug addict, food addict or compulsive gambler.

Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth Alcoholics Anonymous

Growing up with Service

I’m so grateful to have found AA and to have also found what my problem really is - and that’s Self-centredness and Selfishness. I didn’t believe it at first. I honestly thought it was everyone else’s fault that I continued to drink and that I was the victim in it all. But halfway through the 12 steps I could see this wasn’t so. I can now look back and see that before I had started drinking, these defects of character were with me.  But that was nothing compared to what these were like after a few years of daily drinking.  I started to get nervous and paranoid around my friends and even had to have a drink before I went out. Then it came to the stage when I wasn’t able to go out at all and started to cut myself off from the world.  Then years later I came to the part of my life which should have been my proudest and that was becoming a father. But all that did was get in the way of  my drinking and my partner and children suffered for it.  I tried to put the drink down and do the right thing, but I would become so angry and irritable that I would have to pick up again.

This cycle of events continued for two more years until there came a point where I had hurt everyone around me and had nowhere to go.  Drink had stopped doing the trick, I was in total despair and even started thinking of suicide. This, thank God, is when I eventually ended up in my first meeting of AA. My mum phoned the helpline and was put in touch with a chap who invited me to go to a meeting.  After I had attended a few meetings I got myself a sponsor and started the 12 step programme of recovery, of which service is a massive part!

My group is where I started service. First I was asked to do the sweeping outside the venue. This was easy and my sort of job. Unfortunately I couldn’t stay in that position forever and found myself moved to tea and coffee. I found this uncomfortable at first because I was afraid of messing up and looking stupid. But the more I listened to others and followed how they did it, the easier it became.

Then the chance came to do the literature position. When I started it, I remember people would put their drinks on the table where the books were kept and I would have to tell them to remove them and this was extremely uncomfortable. As in the past I would let people get away with things just for an easy life, but then beat myself up because I was to spineless to say anything. I used to hate myself for being like that. But now, in recovery, my life was on the line, I had to start taking responsibility for my recovery and service was a big part of it. From dealing with these situations I was becoming more responsible and growing more into an adult.  I have also had the privilege of being the secretary of my home group, where I have had to stand up in front of 60 plus people and take the meeting.  Sometimes I’ve been told that I’ve done things wrong and this has hurt my pride a lot, but instead of having a tantrum I’ve kept my mouth shut. That’s a massive change. Before, if anyone criticized me I would keep it in and hate them for it. Now, Im truly able to learn from it and be a better person.

I’ve also been our group's newcomer officer, where I've called homeless hostels offering lifts to meetings, and made sure that the newcomer in the meeting is made welcome. I’ve been a responder on the AA helpline for over 4 years.  Over those years I’ve heard a lot of desperate people in tears and it reminds me of how it used to be for me.  Hopefully I’ve been able to help some of these people find what I have found and recreate their lives again.
 Service and the 12 steps have changed me so much, It has put me on a path which really makes me feel that Im going somewhere.  I am able to be a decent father today and help my children with their problems and fears. Me and the Missus rarely argue and we have so much fun in are home now. Where as before, it truly was a battle ground.

Regarding work, I tried to be a plasterer before coming into AA but had no confidence in myself so I just gave it up as usual. But after going through the 12 steps I’ve been able to take it up again. And now I’ve been working for myself as a self-employed plasterer for the last 4 years. Recently I’ve gone back to college and passed a counselling course. I know this is a bit different from being a plasterer but I feel at my best when I'm working with others and that’s a miracle from someone who couldn’t look you in the eye.

I truly feel part of this world today, I have friends and I know how to be a friend.  I’ve learnt so much in Alcoholics Anonymous because I started to take responsibility.  I do not think or feel the same way as I used to, because I'm no longer trapped in resentment and self.  Today I feel I have so much potential and drive in life, I really have come alive. For over 8 years now I can look back and see that service has changed me so much and has enabled me to change into a responsible adult. Before, I used to be such a people pleaser and unable to speak up for myself.  People used to walk all over me which made me angry and resentful, and resulted in me drinking more to deal with it.  With service I feel that I’ve grown up and able to deal with life at last. I continue to move forward in my service and hope to be the PI officer for our intergroup (which I don’t feel I can do, but I know that with the support and experience around me, I just need to ask and I'm sure I can move forward more.)

AA, service and sponsorship give me a life that I never thought was possible. Life is far from pointless today, anything is possible. And this is from someone that wanted to end it all, before it even started.

Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth Alcoholics Anonymous

Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers

This AA history book is the official biography of one of AAs co-founders, Dr Bob, and the rise of AA in Midwest America. It was published in 1980 and covers Dr Bobs life from growing up in Vermont in the 1880s to his death in November 1950.

I was introduced to this book by my sponsor and my curiosity really. Having worked through the Twelve Steps of AA and recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body, I was enthusiastic to learn more about this fellowship that had changed my life in such a short period of time. The first book I read, other than the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve, was AA comes of Age. This gave me an overview of the history of AA and how various aspects of the AA Traditions came about so that I could be more informed about AA, as I was shortly able to start sponsoring newcomers. The next book I picked up was Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers.

The first thing I do with books is have a flick through and see if there’s any photos or pictures – and I wasn’t disappointed! As well as the history which is described by people who were there, there’s also amazing pictures of the early names and places involved in AA. They are all there: Dr Bob and his wife Anne at various stages in their lives, Henrietta Seiberling (who first introduced the co-founders to each other), The Williamses who allowed their house to be used for meetings by ‘the alcoholic squad’, St Thomas’ Hospital where Dr Bob and Sister Ignatia worked on many suffering alcoholics, Kings School in Akron where Dr Bobs home group met, and my favourite – Dr Bob and Bill W sat side-by-side.

The book uses accounts and descriptions of what happened, told by people who were there witnessing it first-hand. It charts Dr Bob’s life from school to medical college to his working life, all of which were blighted by his alcoholism. It then goes on to describe how he came to meet Bill Wilson and his and others’ involvement and subsequent departure from the Oxford Group. Working with newcomers is discussed as are the many growing pains and lessons learned by the young fellowship of AA, all of which have moulded the AA that we know and love today – and more importantly for me the AA that saved my life. The book ends by describing the last year or so of Dr Bob’s life, as failing health eventually lead to his death on 16 November 1950, and a sombre picture of Bill Wilson paying respects at his friend’s grave.

I’ve read this book many times over the years and I think with each reading I come to admire, respect and appreciate the people and chain of events that occurred. Using a word taken from the Big Book – I ‘urge’ you to read this book as it will enrich your understanding and appreciation of AA and the sober life that we are now able to enjoy.

Road to Recovery Group, Alcoholics Anonymous Plymouth

We Don’t Swallow Spiders: The Myth of AA Cults

About 10 years ago on BBC Radio 1 a popular presenter said something like “Here’s a scary fact. Apparently we swallow on average 3 spiders a year while sleeping.” There were many sounds of disgust and shock heard in the studio, and this fact presumably gave many British arachnophobics a whole new image of what went on in their bedrooms at night!

However, this statistic is now well known to be false and manufactured. It was a factoid that circulated rapidly around the world, even ending up in books and on the BBC, but its roots were entirely erroneous. It was not true. The world is full of these false ideas that spread like viruses. One of the reasons they spread is because they appeal to something in us. Yes, it’s true that spiders may well crawl around our bedroom at night. Yes its true that we probably could swallow something small while sleeping, without realizing it. When these are combined with the dramatic nature of the idea and people we trust stating it with certainty – you have the recipe for a lie that has the ring of truth.

A similar thing has happened in the last decade or so in Alcoholics Anonymous. The idea has begun circulating that AA contains groups that are actually harmful cults. This idea has spread rapidly for similar reasons to the spider-swallowing myth. It has a number of elements that appear to have some truth, and it is a highly dramatic claim. However, like the spider-swallowing meme, it is entirely erroneous and comes from a misunderstanding of what makes dangerous cults so dangerous.

Dangerous cults are considered dangerous mainly because they isolate members from mainstream society and from their family, or cause physical damage (through tiredness and malnutrition).

However - as an aid to identifying cults, lists of common elements are often put together. This can be helpful. But it is not these common elements that are the danger. The main danger is that such cults isolate members from mainstream society and from their family, or cause physical damage. It is a fallacy to say that because a group has some of the elements helpful in identification, that it is a dangerous cult. It’s like saying that because somebody is hot and coughs after a jog that they must have bird flu.

Some common elements listed are: strong leaders, and a willingness to submit to the group beliefs and activities against one's own will. Now in Alcoholics Anonymous these elements are not uncommon. There are “strong sponsors” and charismatic people whom AA groups form around. There are people who will go to their home group on the night of their birthday, delaying their birthday meal to the next day. You will find wives arguing with husbands that she can't be with the children one evening because she needs to go and do an AA talk at a hospital.

The book Alcoholics Anonymous discusses how partners may be jealous of the time that spouses spend working with other alcoholics. It talks about how an AA member may occasionally be accused by their family of neglecting them. However it says this is all a normal part of the process of development. You also find members talking about how their sponsor told them to do something and they didn’t want to do it but they still did it.

There are many characters in AA, strong leaders who are outspoken and often build and lead large AA groups. They are greatly looked up to by their sponsees. There is an element of hero worship for sure. People may often value the comments of their sponsors as much as those of their spouse or religious leader. Members of a group may also sit in a group business meeting feeling uncomfortable with the way the group is moving policy wise, or the way it is influenced by certain people – but they choose to submit to the group.

Now some commentators have taken the above not-uncommon incidents in AA worldwide, and thought: “if some common elements listed in dangerous cults are strong leaders, and a willingness to submit to the group beliefs and activities against ones own will, then if these things happen in an AA group, it must mean those parts of AA are a dangerous cult!” Presumably these people would also diagnose someone who’s just done a half-marathon as having bird flu…

The diagnosis is erroneous because cults are not dangerous due to those elements, those elements are just used to help to identify them. The factors that make a cult dangerous are when it isolates members from mainstream society and from their family, or causes physical damage.

Ask any AA member with one of these “strong” home groups or “strong” sponsors whether they are more isolated from their family before or after getting sober. The question is almost laughable. The AA book talks about how members spend much of their spare time working with other alcoholics. In a dangerous cult members are literally kept away from their families by physical and psychological manipulation. The above AA members are closer and have better relationships with their families than they did before recovering.

As a challenge, try to find a person in one of these AA cults who has recovered and who is not much closer to their family than before. Go to one of the websites of one of the “cult” AA groups and read or listen to a few of their stories. Also read the stories of members of actual dangerous cults. It is in fact an insult to victims of real dangerous cults, and the awful things they and their families went through, for small-minded people to try and compare it to what happens to people in certain parts of AA.

What about the idea that a dangerous cult isolates people from mainstream society? Does this happen in some parts of AA? However, listen to or read a few stories on their websites. These folks are successful in business, joining religious communities, starting new hobbies. They are becoming far more a part of the community - physically and emotionally. Likewise, compare this to the story of members of real dangerous cults.

The issue of the physical damage, sleep deprivation and malnutrition that real dangerous cults do is obviously irrelevant here. But have a read of some stories of members of dangerous cults. Amazingly this really does happen in these organisations. You will be shocked at some of the stories of people and families who have suffered in this way. Dangerous cults are an emotional and dramatic issue. A little like swallowing spiders in your sleep.

Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous Plymouth UK

Carrying the message

What is the message? My experience. When I first came to AA I didn’t think I needed to stop drinking, and I thought AA was some Christian religious organization. I only stayed for two meetings. Two good things happened: I heard a lady give the main share, she was respectable, she spoke eloquently, but she told a story so horrific it sounded like something from the movies. She had obviously recovered. I also heard someone speak about being paranoid the morning after a binge. I related strongly to this – I too felt paranoid most mornings, and it was only now that I considered it might be the drink.

I then stayed away from AA for two years. My drinking got worse. Over my drinking history I burned the backs of my hands with cigarettes, attacked people I loved in black outs, drank beer with my breakfast, drove my family to tears, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, felt hopeless self-hatred, saw life as pointless, became afraid to leave my room, hid from those who cared most about me, built up debts, wasted opportunities, and was kept in an overnight cell for violence. Then I woke up one morning and couldn’t imagine life with or without alcohol. This brought me back to AA.

I came to one meeting a week, and still drank at weekends. Eventually someone managed to get me to coffee, and after the initial social terrors, I was amazed to find how comfortable I found talking to another alcoholic. This person got me to buy and read the Big Book and go to lots of meetings. He also said that my family didn’t need to spend thousands sending me to a treatment centre, since I could recover in AA.

By this time I could see my potential future clearly: drinking until the Doctor told me to stop to stay alive. And then being unable to follow the Doctor’s advice, and falling back into drink, and going on in that miserable way to the end. With the whole of that procession being misery and agony, and many of the horrors of alcoholism I hadn’t yet progressed to. I knew I had a fatal progressive illness. But I also had a tiny bit of faith, in AA, and in the Big Book. I soon met someone who seemed to be an example of what I’d been reading in the Big Book. He became my sponsor and I made an important decision: whatever this person suggested, I would do – without question. I knew my rebellious arrogant mind was my own worst enemy, and I was determined to defeat it, and not to join the procession of hopeless drunks through history.

Six months later I’d done the 12 steps and had a spiritual experience. How can I describe to a still-suffering alcoholic the feeling of having a lifelong obsession removed? The weight coming off my shoulders. The sense of having a place in the world, of a life worth living? This is the message I have to carry – 9 years of sobriety, with many times of great joy and happiness. A fulfilling sober life, never feeling the need for a drink, and all through the 12 Steps. If there was one big piece of experience I would emphasis to a still-suffering alcoholic it would be: picking my sponsor with the Big Book.

And how do I carry this message? (Well one way is as I am doing now, by writing for Share.) I first began doing it right from the beginning by going up to people newer than myself (i.e. newer than a few weeks!) and offer my hand and my phone number. I rang them on the telephone to see how they were. I started going on 12 Step calls with my sponsor, and I began sharing my message in meetings, in 5 minute chunks a few times a week. By participating in my home group I ensure da venue and time where the message can be carried, without fail, every week. I ensured the existence of a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts, which a power greater than myself could act through. Any group service: tea, cleaner, secretary, GSR, is a service that enables the carrying of the message, and so is really a part of carrying the message itself.

Other conduits for the message are the area helpline, and the PICPC officers, who carry the message through newspapers, radios and professionals. These are all co-ordinated through Intergroup committees. Therefore, after a couple of years experience, I went on to serve as an Intergroup PICPC officer. There is also literature which sits on the table at meetings, and carries the message so successfully to newcomers, the 12 step packs, the big books. They come through our “General Service” structure. The General Service Board in the UK and the USA ensure this literature exists and is published. These national and international bodies are as important in carrying the message as a 12 step call is. Also the structure in AA that links the groups and Intergroups to the General Service Board is providing a vital service that keeps the whole machine of literature production, telephone and so forth, running successfully. This link is the Regions and the Conference. So it was that I eventually rotated into Region PICPC, and I take an active part in the UK Conference. I send in questions, I send in answers to the questions that are eventually accepted to Conference. And recently I joined the national literature committee. I help to carry the message.

My experience of carrying the message is wide ranging, from the single newcomer, to the group, the region, and the nation. Each stage as vital as the last, each saving lives. But the main life that is saved in all of this is mine: by practicing Step 12 and doing service I stay sober, alive and fulfilled. This is why I carry the message.

AK, Plymouth Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, Nov 2007

From Suicide to Sobriety

Less than four months ago I was sitting in a darkened room alone, drinking and thinking how I could kill myself without leaving too much mess. Slit my wrists in the bath was the very best I could come up with. It would be something I could do where no-one else would be involved and the evidence of me could be rinsed away without too much difficulty. The problem was that I love my little mother dearly and knew that I would rip her heart to pieces if I did go through with it. So there I was, wanting to die but not being able to commit the act. I was in purgatory and could see no way out of this suffering where even the alcohol no longer gave me any relief.

I didn't used to be like that. I used to have many friends and enjoy my life and had lots of fun. I did feel different to other people though. On the outside I was loud, funny and I guaranteed a good night out. On the inside though I felt like an actress playing out the part of a person that I thought I should be. Yes I always drank more than most people but I am Scottish! I thought that was why I would have such a laugh and it was like that throughout my teenage years. Whenever I had blackouts I'd joke about them thinking they were funny, that they were normal as I'd experienced them very soon after starting drinking. Besides, they didn't happen every time I got drunk and nothing really bad happened.

I moved to California when I was 22 and within three weeks of being there I was arrested for being drunk in public. I couldn't believe it! "That would never happen back home. These Americans just don't know how to party!" I thought. So although I felt a little embarrassed it didn't faze me too much. I certainly didn't think I had a drink problem.

In my twenties blackouts were becoming much more frequent and the consequences of them quite shocking at times. I woke up in my bed at home one time wearing a wrist band from a hospital. Seemingly I'd been taken there and had had 5 stitches sewn into my face above my eye. I have no recollection of the trip to hospital or the journey back home to this day. That scared me enough to not drink for a year but during this time my sober life was miserable and felt empty. I heavily substituted the alcohol with marijuana instead which got me through that time. After all that time without a drink I knew that OBVIOUSLY I hadn't had a problem with alcohol! So I started drinking again. Quickly and more ferociously than before, things got worse and worse. So after a couple more arrests I came back home where it was all going to be different. It wasn't. I stopped going out for fear of what would happen and so I drank alone in my flat more and then on a daily basis. I lost friends as I disappeared from their lives into my own dark and isolated world. I felt so much shame and guilt for things I'd said or done when drunk that I didn't feel I could face anyone. If people came to my flat I would hide away. I wouldn't answer the door or the phone. I wanted to be left alone yet I was desperately lonely. I wanted to not drink but I couldn't stop myself no matter how much I tried. I always took that first drink and I always got drunk. I tried AA a couple of times before but it didn't work for me, I didn't "get it" and would drink again.

When I walked into my now homegroup, almost 4 months ago, I was a broken and desperate shell of a human being. I had no hope AA would be able to help someone like me but I had no better ideas and this was the very last thing I could think to try. I identified, as before with people who shared their story but his time I heard the message loud and clear. I was beaten enough to listen. "Get a sponsor, get a big book, do the steps." I got a temporary sponsor that night.

From starting the steps my life had already brightened up and the obsession with alcohol went within a week. After doing Step 5 I felt unburdened and like I could hold my head up high again. The guilt I'd felt was replaced by forgiveness towards myself. That took away my self-hatred. The resentments I'd held towards other people could now be seen for what they really were. It was me making me feel the way I felt, no-one else. It all seems so simple now, so obvious.

I thank God for the pain and suffering I felt before because that is what brought me to my knees and to AA. I drank for 24 years and couldnít imagine life with or without alcohol but today I wake up and can't believe my luck that I feel the way I do, happy and content. My friends are coming back into my life and I'm no longer scared of what is coming up or what has been before, and it's all thanks to the guidance of this amazing group of people and working the AA programme.

Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, Plymouth

Medication

The following comments were made by a GP after reading the article below called "Medication"

I recently came across an article written by one of our local AA recovery group sponsors about medications and sobriety. I read with great interest, and all throughout the article I realised how little we doctors know about the depth of work involved in the services that such groups provide to our alcoholic patients. 

This article reflects the extent of care and discipline that some sponsors exercise to achieve sobriety for their group attendees. I wish there was more publicity and awareness about their activities to all General Practitioners. I think it would be worthwhile to have a copy of this article in each GP surgery, to enable doctors to work in tandem with AA sponsors, to help their alcoholic patients. 

I went through witnessing the great job done by one of these sponsors to my own family.  My nephew, who is attending one of our local AA groups, has been sober now for almost seven years. I recall the pain and suffering that the whole family went through in trying to help him, while all attempts by myself and all other family members failed, prior to his attendance at AA.

I recommend the reading of this article to all my GP colleagues.  

                                          

Dr. K.  Torabi,  MD, Retired General Practitioner, Plymouth 

Medication

It sometimes seems that more and more people are arriving at the doors of AA whilst on prescribed medication. The easy solution to this would be to say that it’s got nothing to do with us. Unfortunately burying our heads in the sand condemns many alcoholics who could have been helped. Certain people with problems other than alcoholism will require medication for the rest of their lives, but generally speaking professionals only prescribe medication with the short-term in mind. Most would rather see people free of medication if at all possible. So if a newcomer asks us to sponsor them and they are on medication how do we deal with it? The first thing to make very clear to them is that we are not professionals and everything that we suggest should be referred back to their GP. Another point that should be made clear is that unless they are honest and take the program of Alcoholics Anonymous seriously, stopping their medication might not be their best option. 

A Newcomer who wants to come off their medication...

The first thing that we do is suggest that the newcomer makes an appointment to see their GP. The newcomer should then tell their Doctor that they would like to try and live free of all medication, but strictly under the Doctor’s care and direction. If the Doctor is not happy with this then the newcomer should enquire by how much, if any, they can reduce their dose, and over what time period. They should make the GP aware that they intend to do the program of Alcoholics Anonymous with the help of a sponsor and regular meetings. If the Doctor insists that the newcomer has to stay on medication we do not argue, the newcomer should be advised to accept this and perhaps try again a few months time.

Sponsoring somebody who comes off medication without the GP’s consent...

We simply don't do it!

A newcomer who is reducing their medication with their GP’s permission...

If the GP has approved of this then the newcomer should have an idea of how long that it will take before they are free of medication. If it is going to be relatively quickly they might want to wait before taking the third step, whilst continuing to take other constructive actions. If on the other hand it is going to take several months they can do one of two things - either wait whilst continuing to do the daily suggestions, or start taking the Steps and change their sobriety date when they are free of all drugs. This second approach is not ideal, but if somebody is going to be on medication for a long time, they might think that the quality of their life will be improved by taking the Steps sooner.

When a GP allows a newcomer to come off one type but not all of their medication...

Often the GP will allow the newcomer to taper off mind altering anti-depressants but will insist that they stay on what is referred to as “mood stabilisers”. When this is the case it is up to each individual sponsor to decide if they have the relevant experience to continue the sponsorship. They should not feel bad about suggesting the newcomer finds a different sponsor with more similar experience. If they decide to continue then the newcomer should be taken through the Steps as soon as possible. Because the Doctor has insisted on the need for prescribed medication there is no need to change their sobriety date. If the GP at some point in the future decides that it is okay for them to come off the medication, then it is for the conscience of the newcomer to decide on their sobriety date.

Sponsoring somebody for a long time who might benefit from medication...

When we have sponsored somebody for a considerable time and they have taken the Steps it can seem unthinkable that these same people might one day need medication. We are used to seeing people lead good and productive lives and are naturally reluctant to believe that they should try medication. But it is silly to think that just because we are in AA that we will never fall victim to problems other than alcoholism. On occasion good AAs who wholeheartedly take the actions find that they need to either go back on medication or try medication for the first time. This should only be considered after an honest discussion with the persons GP. If the sponsor knows the member well enough then, even having no similar experience themselves, they might find that continuing to sponsor them is not a problem and a change of sobriety date is not required this should be left to the conscience of the individual concerned. 

Somebody asks you to sponsor them but they want to stay on medication regardless of what the GP says...

The simplest way to answer this is to say that you don't have experience of living sober whilst taking medication, so don't feel able to sponsor them. But that you will assist them in finding somebody who does have more similar experience.

Click this link to read "The AA Member - Medications and other drugs" published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

The following websites also provide access to articles on recovery from the Road to Recovery Group. Like this blog, these are not official AA websites (the official AA website is http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/)

http://www.roadtorecoverygroup.org.uk

http://plymouthroadtorecovery.tumblr.com/

https://plus.google.com/109103230992799359906

https://www.facebook.com/roadtorecoveryplymouth/

https://twitter.com/1994rtr

The Family Afterwards

My name is Sally and I am an alcoholic. I would like to share my experience of family and my family afterwards.

I was born in 1960, into a very wild and mad family. I didn't live with my mother or father, I lived with my father's auntie. My young days were as I remember, very happy and filled with love, there was always whiskey around and many parties. When I reached age 11 my real mother took me to live with her. I was very sad to leave the mum who I had spent 11 years with and I became very hateful. I wouldn't do as I was told, I would miss school and was getting into lots of trouble. That was a way of life until I was 13/14 when I found alcohol. I loved it, it changed me, I was funny and care-free. I loved the feeling of being drunk.

As my life went on I drank and drank. I married when I was very young and had 3 children. I worked hard and partied hard. If I wasn't drunk I felt like that sad child, something was missing. I couldn't stay sober for very long. I had my own home, fancy cars and money was always at hand. I remember the day my youngest child started school, I had hours in my own head. Moving house, always changing things to fix myself. But a few years on I could not stop drinking even if I wanted to. By this time my family were begging me to stop drinking. I couldn't.

Things got worse, I would go missing and the trouble I was causing broke my family's heart. I was always in and out of hospital and as my pain grew so did my family's. My marriage was torn apart, my children were full of fear and didn't go to school some days because they had to look after me. In the end the family were closing doors on me one by one. My children were taken away from me, the family thinking was that I would sort myseltf out now, because I had lost everything, my home, my children, my family. But still I couldn't stop drinking. My family were in a dark place, not knowing if I were dead or alive. Everyone I knew, everywhere I went, people were criticising me, I was a drunken mess. My children were begging for me to stop, I couldn't. I had disappointed everyone including myself. I knew in my heart that I was dying, I was killing myself with vodka. There's so much more to my story but I'll just say that by the grace of God I went into a treatment house where I got sober. My family were so proud, my children had never stopped loving me and now they had hope. I was sober but still felt like I was dying inside, something was missing, I didn't know what.

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous. I got a sponsor who took me through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and I came alive. I was happy and very peaceful and I live my life this way today. The family no longer live in fear, they are peaceful and happy too. The family can now rely on me, they have always loved me. You see my drinking took away my family's life too. Today they have it back, that's God's will. Alcoholics Anonymous has saved my family. I live a spiritual life today thanks to A.A, a life today with a happy and care-free family. And if I can do this so can anyone. Your family can have their lives back, they will sleep at night and so can you. Thank you Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sally, Plymouth Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous

Traditions and Concepts Workshop Part I, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth, March 2016

Click here for Traditions and Concepts Workshop Part I, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth, March 2016

I always struggled with life

From the start I always struggled with life. Even as a child, I knew I was different. I had my fair share of times when I was humiliated, disappointed, terrified or even used for someone else’s gain. Growing up I had family illnesses, death, violence, broken trust and wrong paths. I could not deal with them. My mind was unstable. My emotions played tricks on me and I couldn’t connect myself to life.

I had a group of friends I started drinking with, but they used my sensitivity and self-pity against me. I had a relative that was into the drugs world. At times it was frightening. The drink helped for a time, but I couldn’t save my relative, and it got worse. I felt misunderstood, no meaning in life. I built this character which wasn’t healthy. I tried to be a good relative, find love and build a life, but I always had difficulties. I tried adult education, organisations for drink and drugs. It didn’t work. I lost my friends and became violent towards my family. So I shut myself away. Things became very dark. I was hidden behind a mask. For years I felt numb, with no purpose and no direction. I consumed a load of misery as well as the booze that fuelled it. The demons I’d created were more powerful than any normal person could imagine or understand.

I fell in love again but I almost ruined it. I became horrid verbally and couldn’t be reasoned with. Again I hit rock bottom. I thought: “Why am I here? What do I have to offer anyone? They don’t understand me.” I was all out of ideas. People that did help me were only around for a short time.

I needed something but didn’t know what, so I went to the doctor that said about AA. I was unsure because you have to talk, I thought. I was still ill, so my mum called the helpline and spoke to a guy called Mark. Then I spoke to him. For a change just speaking to him felt comfortable. He understood me. I related to him. In my mind I began to think, this is one other person that knows my thinking and why the booze is destroying my life. So he asked me to go to a meeting, which I did.

I went with a relative. It took a while to find it but we got there. He went off shopping and I stayed. People were so friendly. I went inside. I was greeted with handshakes. I was offered a cuppa and a biscuit but my stomach was still fragile. Everyone looked well. They gave me their phone numbers or asked for mine. I was worried at first but then began to feel safe. For a long time I haven’t, but this was good. I listened to those who came up and spoke to me. People got me, they understood me.

Soon I started the Steps with a sponsor. Not long after and I got stability in my life. I put my all into Step 4 and cleaned my side of the street in Steps 8 and 9, making my amends to those whom I’d hurt. I kept up with my meetings. I have had emotional wobbles but trusted my sponsor, my Higher Power and the program. I began service as I went through the Steps, which gave me a purpose and responsibility. I’m still going through the service structure and trying to be honest, humble and as helpful as I can. I have had knocks emotionally and have come out the other side stronger than ever. I have started voluntary work and I’m doing driving lessons. I’m nine months sober and building my life again thanks to AA.

Road to Recovery Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, Plymouth